i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
