shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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