i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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