At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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