lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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