my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
