Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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