Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
