I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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