They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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