You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
