So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
