i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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