Where is the hickey?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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