I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
