Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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