This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize