My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
