Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
