Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
