you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
