I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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