If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
