She is in my trunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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