Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
