I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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