Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
