Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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