oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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