I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
