I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sex in a hospital.. check
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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