I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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