my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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