im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
