yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
