fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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