I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize