Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
