you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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