I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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