I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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