I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
