The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Randomize
