When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
