the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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