Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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