I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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