would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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