Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize