another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
