Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
