I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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