Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
its liver damage thursday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
