if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
