What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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