At least make sure they are 18
Why
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this boner is exhausting
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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