She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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