Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
