Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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