just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
