Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
