They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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