I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
