I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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