Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hope mine doesn't look like that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
