I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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