If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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