even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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