I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
