Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
