I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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