Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
