You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
