ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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