I'm going to jail i love you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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