i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
