I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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