Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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