Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ruined the universe
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize