Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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