even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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