I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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