Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
