was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize