Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
