I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
