Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
