dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
