At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
