Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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