This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
