AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
