I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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