im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
