Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
