I am in a vortex of obligation.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
