dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
