i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
