The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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