i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This baby is an asshole
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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