so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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