I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
