Jerry, you need to find god
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize