i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
