I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want her autograph on my taint
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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