I got chris browned last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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